It’s Bold Predictions season all around baseball, where experts get to make crazy, out-there claims about what they think players could do this year. Be them busts, break outs or baffling, everyone’s doing them, and so are we. However, we’re not stopping there. We’re taking it to the most Xtreme Flavor-Blasted Maxx with our:

Bold, Underlined, Italics Predictions

How crunch-wrap crazy are we going? Try this one on for size:

Relievers named “Brad” Get 100 Saves

Hand, Brach, Boxberger and Ziegler all have job risk swirling around them, from “Boxberger missed most of the last two seasons with injury” to “Brad Ziegler isn’t good.”  People seem to think Hand will get traded, but I doubt that with the 3-year deal he signed this offseason. Sure, Brach is sharing seat-warming duties until Britton gets back, but Boxberger was at least named to the job for now (and if things go south I can always claim that Archie Bradley and his resplendent beard count).

Not flavor-blasted enough for ya? Here’s another:

Billy Hamilton will have more Stolen Bases than Runs Scored

I’ll admit that this is somewhat informed by his early season benching and hitting at the bottom of the order against some righties. That means fewer plate appearances and fewer chances to run and score – unless they use him heavily as a pinch runner, which might actually put him in position to steal bases more often. (Apologies to Bret)

Here are some more of the flaming hottest of takes from the rest of the Dynasty Guru staff:

Kyle Schwarber is still the same

Schwarber should be commended for shedding his husk. The benefits of losing unneeded fat are countless, especially for an athlete. Sadly for Schwarber, though, transforming his body still makes him an incapable outfielder and a likely first baseman or DH. He’s the same dude as he was before, warts and all. I don’t care if he’s sporting a six pack, he’s a fatty at heart and will only play the Thicc positions. This take hot enough for you, brother?

– Brady Childs

Two out the following three starting pitchers will finish higher than Chris Archer on your choice of player rater:  Kyle Gibson, Blake Snell, Trevor Bauer

Here’s the deal. Chris Archer isn’t bad. He’s just not going anywhere. Content to pile up strikeouts like Billy Hamilton piles up stolen bases, you know what you’re going to get from Archer. Mediocre ratios and a pile of Ks. Meanwhile, two of these three very overlooked pitchers will blow him out of the water this year. Gibson found a new arm slot in the second half and the results were fantastic. Just look at his K-BB% after the arm slot change. Blake Snell, well, he’s just more talented than Archer and has the same walk issues. I think Snell is a growth asset this year and has a real chance to put up the same strikeout totals as Archer if he hits his stride. Bauer is the most fun head-case in all of baseball and the former first-round talent invented a new pitch with science. SCIENCE! Bauer is in the same mold as Archer and Snell with control issues similarly able to make hitters look silly. 2 out of 3!

– Jim Melichor

Miguel Cabrera Gets Traded

The Tigers suck, Miggy is good, someone at the deadline can use him for the playoff push and I think he gets dealt.

– Keaton O. DeRocher

Three AL West Teams Make The Playoffs

Houston is a lock, the Angels and Mariners are trending up, Oakland is a ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but hey anything can happen. The only stumbling block here would be the AL East, and Boston’s pitching rotation has injury issues, New York’s lineup has injury issues It’s easy to see a path to both Wild Card teams coming from the West.

– Keaton O. DeRocher

Troy Tulowitzki Never Plays Another Major League Baseball Game

I certainly hope this doesn’t come to fruition, but this aging, injury-prone, former MVP’s days are numbered. After playing in only 66 games in 2017, Tulo missed the entire Blue Jays Spring Training with a ‘chronic bone spur in his right heel.’‘ However, a second opinion on Opening Day revealed he has bone spurs in BOTH heels and Tulowitzki will now start the season on the 60 Day DL. With no timetable for return and very little sense of hope, Jays fans and baseball fans in general may have seen the last of the former star shortstop.

– Mitch Bannon

Clayton Richard will be the 27th best starting pitcher in standard fantasy leagues. Kyle Gibson will be the 44th best starting pitcher. Adeiny Hechavarria will be the 14th best shortstop. Eddie Rosario will outperform Christian Yelich.

Clayton Richard got off to a great start against a strong Brewers lineup, and it’s the start of something magical. I think he will have a significant positive regression from last year, and receive good fortune this year. Kyle Gibson figured some stuff out in the second half last year, thanks to Byron Buxton. Adeiny Hechavarria will stumble his way to .270, 17 home runs, 9 steals, and enough run production to sneak in as the 14th best shortstop as he will maintain most of his second-half adjustments. Eddie Rosario is better than Christian Yelich, it’s already a fact, you’re just late to the party.

– Kyler Jesanis

Jake Odorizzi and Lucas Giolito Ascend, Finish As Top 42 SP

I wrote on Odorizzi here. Keaton O. DeRocher wrote on Giolito here (before Jeff Sullivan wrote about Giolito here). Suffice to say, I’m buying in everywhere.

– Adam Lawler

Rays will finish 3rd in the AL East

What is my bold prediction? Tampa breaks into respectability in the AL East. Do they go for the title? No, they go for 3^rd. It’s attainable. As they’re on their run, a player catches them. He tells them to sign him. It’s his father’s sport. It’s Vlad Guerrero, Jr. The Rays say no. They negotiate all night. In the morning, the Blue Jays come and the Rays escape in the uniforms of their injured players. The Rays tell Vladito to meet them in Canada, but the Rays go to Latin America. They don’t trust him. Besides, they do well in the international market. At the trade deadline, they get a postcard. The Orioles have blown up and the Blue Jays are injured. This is where the story gets interesting. The Rays tell Vlad Jr. to meet them in Tampa, by the Columbia Restaurant. He’s been waiting for them all these weeks. He’s never played for another team. The Rays don’t care. They don’t show up. They go to Baltimore. That’s where they sign Manny Machado.

– Ian Hudson (h/t to Dwight Schrute for inspiration)

All Other Predictions are Wrong

Bet the under on every prediction. Not just here. At every other website, podcast, twitter account, facebook comment, etc. Nothing predicted by anyone will come true. You might say: doesn’t that mean that this prediction will also be wrong? Yes. So that means at least ONE prediction will be right. Maybe it’s this one, or maybe it’s one of the others. But I bet at the end of the season, when you look back, you’ll see that this prediction was right. Or one of the other ones is. Which still means this one is mostly right. I’m going to go ahead and count it as a win.

– Tyler Baber