We all love a good fantasy baseball trade. That’s why I’m going to set up shop on the Trader’s Corner here at DynastyGuru. Do you like my hand-painted sign? I’ll update you on trades in #TDGX and go into some detail about my own moves in that league. I’m hoping you’ll submit your trades as well. We’ll bat them around with some of the other writers and we’ll even post a poll for the readers to have their say. There seems to be a lot of “Do I pull the trigger?” questions in fantasy, so I think this will be a useful exercise that can both promote discussion and give some insight on players’ perceived values.
If you’d like to submit a pending or completed trade for us to talk about, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. If you include some details about your league format as well as the rest of the rosters for the teams involved, that would give us a lot more to talk about and help us inform our opinions.
While we wait for the queue to fill, here are ten characters you might come across while navigating the trade waters. See if you recognize anyone and feel free to add some of your own characters in the comments.
Let’s take a look at some trading partners you may (or may not) want to cut a deal with in part one of this two-part series. Each character is given a frustration rating on a 1-5 scale, where 1 isn’t that bad and 5 makes you want to tear your hair out.
The Historian likes to remind you how you acquired every player on your roster in order to gain an edge in negotiations. His elephantine memory is admirable, but also frustrating. Historians can be found in their natural habitat, the keeper league, but are especially annoying if they find their way into a dynasty league. “Why would I give you top dollar for Player X now when you only gave up a minor league pick for him back in 2007?” Thanks for remembering! Frustration Level: 2 Moving on…
The Negative Nelly
Negative Nelly appears harmless at first glance, but when you start up trade negotiations, watch out. Remember that team you drafted and felt pretty good about? Negative Nelly will be sure to destroy all of that. You see, when Negative Nelly negotiates, all of your players suddenly become 6-foot piles of manure and no combination of them could even come close to the amazing team of all-stars that Nelly has on his hands. You’re sitting on a bunch of over-rated hacks and he’s got players with gold-plated sacks. Not only will you not get a deal done, but you’ll leave with the self-esteem of a pimply faced 13-year-old with orthodontic headgear. Frustration Level: 2
The Captain will be happy to take your calls. He’ll respond to all of your email requests. He’ll even negotiate with you, bouncing trade offers back and forth…back and forth…back and forth. The problem is nothing ever happens. Captain Blueballs has perfected the art of wasting your time. Sit back and watch as dozens of perfectly reasonable, completed deals pass through your inbox while Captain Blueballs tells you he “needs to think about it”. Frustration Level: 5
Mr. Contingency (AKA: The Politician)
A distant relative of Captain Blueballs, Mr. Contingency will negotiate with you all day long. He’ll have no problem being polite, compromising, and doing all the other good things that should happen in trade talks. One small problem. Unlike Captain Blueballs, the deal will get done…but only under one condition. This is when the whole thing falls apart, because you’re not willing to accept the deal with an insurance plan, three asterisks, and a footnote section as long as your forearm about a player to be named in 2019. Frustration Level: 5
The Hothead is an interesting bird. Sometimes trade talks get started with a bad/low-ball offer just to get things rolling. Happens all the time. Please don’t make this mistake with the Hothead. If the Hothead even thinks a trade offer may appear lopsided in your favor, he will send you an email reply that would make Andrew Dice Clay blush. By offering him Jason Kipnis and a closer for Robinson Cano, you have somehow insulted him, his intelligence, his family, his country, and the entire human race. Never engage the Hothead by commenting on his team. Just smile and say “You should be running away with this thing” and get the hell out of there. Frustration Level: 2
Part two next week. Send me your trades!
Mike’s on Twitter @643ball